Whoa baby! I don’t know what it was, but yesterday was super hard. I couldn’t get my MP3s to make the playlist I wanted and when I finally did the walk… holy Moses. That walk was the devil. For some reason it was just horrendous. My legs and butt and back where on fire. Those hills and my ass are not on speaking terms right now. I was sweating profusely. Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate to sweat. Erklack! It was just gross. And it seemed like it was taking FOREVER. Normally I do 3 laps around that park and times up I can go home. But yesterday, I dunno. Maybe I was walking super fast, because I swear I went around like 5 times. I must have done over a mile. And I still had 20 minutes to kill. I was gonna go home and Wii fit, but I knew I wouldn’t be home for the next two days and I would be Wii fitting then, so I opted to keep walking. I just left the park and went around the neighborhood. I was so tired by the time I got home I just took a nap in the shower. Don’t worry, I didn’t drown.
I hadn’t eaten all day, not because I was starving myself or anything, just was busy. So for dinner I had a small steak and the most amazing salad! The steak had been marinating for like 3 days, so it was nice and tender. And the salad! Sometimes I just like salad. With tomatoes and jicama and eggs and just a touch of Catalina dressing, all shaking up so that its even distributed and not a soggy mess. I hate when people put too much dressing. The only thing was that I bought the wrong kind of salad mix and they had these peapods in it… I wasn’t feeling that. But other than that it was great. Then I washed it all down with a bottle of Propel. Surprisingly, the tiny steak and salad was quite filling. Although I did chug an entire 24 oz bottle of Propel prior to cooking so maybe that had something to do with it. My inner fat kid either enjoyed it as well, or was too tired to protest. And for dessert I had 3 Thin Mint Cookies.
Overall, I think I had a good day. Someone suggested eating on smaller plates. Something about it all being mental and seeing a full smaller plate means you eat less. Tricks your mind or something like that. I may give that a try. If that actually works… HooRa!
P.S. When you spell check “moses”, it suggests “molasses”. I don’t know why I find that hilarious, but I do.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
First Post, Second Post, This My Third
I’m dedicating this entry to my friend, Kristin. She totally understands about my battle with the inner fat kid. She’s always been supportive of me and always keeps me positive. Kristin, and your inner fat kid, this one’s for you!
So yesterday, after I posted, I went to the store. The 99 cent only store got a new shipment of Propels. I so love those. Flavored water is the way to go for me. Even before this endeavor, I was a Propel nut. Only 10 calories, 2 g of sugar and 75mg of sodium. And they taste good. How could I not love them? I bought 21 bottles (they were 3 for 99 cents) and some carrots. Well, as I was waiting in line, I’m looking around and there they were. Reese’s Peanut butter Candy Bars. They are like peanut butter cups, but in the form of a bar. Oh I love them so much. My definite weakness. My inner fat kid was doing a little jig inside me.
I promptly grabbed two. I thought about how yummy they would taste in the middle of the night while I was curled up in a blanket with a good book. Then I thought about it. How would I ever get to my goal if I was scarfing down chocolate bars. I put them back and grabbed a bag of fat free red vines instead. I love red vines almost as much. Especially while I read. I was proud of myself for all of 10 seconds.
Note: The rest of this story actually happened in my head...
It was about then my inner fat kid slapped the hell out of me! She fell into a tantrum. She kicked. She screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? WE LOVE REESE’S! WE DESERVE THEM!” She was right. I hadn’t eaten too much the last two days. I had been drinking tons of water. Skipping fast food for sandwiches. My inner fat kid agreed. I put the Red Vines back and picked the Reese’s back into my basket. My inner fat kid smiled, satisfied. That is until my inner goddess kicked that fat little brat clear across my mind.
My inner goddess was hot. She had a body like Beyonce in the Work It Out video. You know when she was thick before she got all bony for Hova? Like this:
Only of course she looked way better ‘cause she had my adorable face and amazing curly hair. She looked fierce, strong and powerful. I had never really envisioned her before, but I knew who she was. She was the one egging me to keep going when my legs hurt. The one telling me one sandwhich was quite enough. The one who reminded me how much I hated taking those blood pressure pills. She stood victorious over my inner fat kid and then held out a hand. I don’t really know if there was a conversation but I know they came to an agreement. Once in a while, the fat kid might get a treat, but overall, the goddess was here to stay and she was in charge now. Her first order of business: NO REESE’S. Not yet anyways. She decided that it needed to be earned. So for now, Red Vines.
I think I actually sat in the line for a good minute because when I snapped out of it, the cashier was staring at me like I was retarded. I tried explaining to her what my mind set was, but I don’t think it helped. That’s ok, she can think I’m crazy. So long as I left the Reese’s at the store.
This morning the goddess did her job and persuaded me to have only two eggs instead of three and no butter on my biscuit, though she did allow jelly. Then it was off to walk.
Oh man! I found the most amazing park behind my house. Tons of hills. Spacey. I figured one time all the way around is probably about a ¼ mile. I did about ½ a mile which took me about 45 mins (I was just walking). I know it doesn’t sound like much in the scheme of things but with all the hills... Man, I am really feeling it in my thighs and butt. But it was just so beautiful. It was just hilly, green grass and willow trees. The breeze was blowing softly so I wasn’t feeling over heated. *Nsync played in my ear and reminded me of good times. It was like it was no big deal. I absolutely loved it. I’m actually excited to do it again tomorrow.
On another note, thank you to those people who are supporting me in this. I just ask that you keep doing that. I know right now I’m hyped about it, but when its rainy and cold, or hot and sticky, I am not going to want to do this and it will be you all that keep me going. Seriously, you guys are awesome!
So yesterday, after I posted, I went to the store. The 99 cent only store got a new shipment of Propels. I so love those. Flavored water is the way to go for me. Even before this endeavor, I was a Propel nut. Only 10 calories, 2 g of sugar and 75mg of sodium. And they taste good. How could I not love them? I bought 21 bottles (they were 3 for 99 cents) and some carrots. Well, as I was waiting in line, I’m looking around and there they were. Reese’s Peanut butter Candy Bars. They are like peanut butter cups, but in the form of a bar. Oh I love them so much. My definite weakness. My inner fat kid was doing a little jig inside me.
I promptly grabbed two. I thought about how yummy they would taste in the middle of the night while I was curled up in a blanket with a good book. Then I thought about it. How would I ever get to my goal if I was scarfing down chocolate bars. I put them back and grabbed a bag of fat free red vines instead. I love red vines almost as much. Especially while I read. I was proud of myself for all of 10 seconds.
Note: The rest of this story actually happened in my head...
It was about then my inner fat kid slapped the hell out of me! She fell into a tantrum. She kicked. She screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? WE LOVE REESE’S! WE DESERVE THEM!” She was right. I hadn’t eaten too much the last two days. I had been drinking tons of water. Skipping fast food for sandwiches. My inner fat kid agreed. I put the Red Vines back and picked the Reese’s back into my basket. My inner fat kid smiled, satisfied. That is until my inner goddess kicked that fat little brat clear across my mind.
My inner goddess was hot. She had a body like Beyonce in the Work It Out video. You know when she was thick before she got all bony for Hova? Like this:
Only of course she looked way better ‘cause she had my adorable face and amazing curly hair. She looked fierce, strong and powerful. I had never really envisioned her before, but I knew who she was. She was the one egging me to keep going when my legs hurt. The one telling me one sandwhich was quite enough. The one who reminded me how much I hated taking those blood pressure pills. She stood victorious over my inner fat kid and then held out a hand. I don’t really know if there was a conversation but I know they came to an agreement. Once in a while, the fat kid might get a treat, but overall, the goddess was here to stay and she was in charge now. Her first order of business: NO REESE’S. Not yet anyways. She decided that it needed to be earned. So for now, Red Vines.
I think I actually sat in the line for a good minute because when I snapped out of it, the cashier was staring at me like I was retarded. I tried explaining to her what my mind set was, but I don’t think it helped. That’s ok, she can think I’m crazy. So long as I left the Reese’s at the store.
This morning the goddess did her job and persuaded me to have only two eggs instead of three and no butter on my biscuit, though she did allow jelly. Then it was off to walk.
Oh man! I found the most amazing park behind my house. Tons of hills. Spacey. I figured one time all the way around is probably about a ¼ mile. I did about ½ a mile which took me about 45 mins (I was just walking). I know it doesn’t sound like much in the scheme of things but with all the hills... Man, I am really feeling it in my thighs and butt. But it was just so beautiful. It was just hilly, green grass and willow trees. The breeze was blowing softly so I wasn’t feeling over heated. *Nsync played in my ear and reminded me of good times. It was like it was no big deal. I absolutely loved it. I’m actually excited to do it again tomorrow.
On another note, thank you to those people who are supporting me in this. I just ask that you keep doing that. I know right now I’m hyped about it, but when its rainy and cold, or hot and sticky, I am not going to want to do this and it will be you all that keep me going. Seriously, you guys are awesome!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Day One... Here We Go!
Today was the first day and admittedly I am tired. I wanted to start off easy so I walked for a bit. I mean, where I live it was an absolutely beautiful day. I was glad to get out. Glad to be walking. Glad I could and not be out of breath. My dog enjoyed the fresh air and so did I. I walked until I thought I was ready to turn around and then went home. I walked for about 30 min. I wish it was always this nice. Then I would have no excuses about walking. They say it’s the best exercise you can do.
Then, I got home and had to clean house. I didn’t really plan on it being part of my workout, but that’s what it became. I washed, lifted, and scrubbed until I was tired and a bit sore, all while dancing crazy to several different types of music. Each room in my house played something else. Every time I went from one room to the other it was a total change of pace. I am fairly certain the mailman now think I’m a nutcase.
So check off day one. I’m kinda thinking I shouldn’t skip tomorrow, and that I should do the first three days straight. If it’s a beautiful day like today, I don’t see why not. I want to start off by establishing good habits, not bad excuses.
So, I want to post something that I think is really great. Someone sent the article to my email and I want to share. So apparently, Glamour magazine did this photo shoot that got a lot of attention. They did these photos of a woman…WHO HAD A BELLY! And here’s the kicker… they didn’t photoshop it out. The long and the short is that they did this whole thing about just being comfortable with your body, whether its big or small and not being pressured to feel like you have to fit into some kind of teeny, tiny, box. I think its great. I mean, this is what this whole thing is about for me. Just saying, this is my body. This is how my swimsuit fits. I have rolls and curves, and I’m happy. I wish for more women to feel that way. I totally don’t buy into the whole “the fashion industry is affecting my self-esteem” thing, but I understand that it’s there. I wish people could just be okay and happy with themselves and just seek to be healthy rather than rail thin. Stop pointing the fingers at others and worry about themselves and their own happiness. I found the article to be a real inspiration. But I digress, yea for Glamour for printing bellies! Lol. Does that sound weird? Here’s the link.
GLAMOR MAGAZINE FEATURES REAL WOMEN
Day Two… wish me luck.
Then, I got home and had to clean house. I didn’t really plan on it being part of my workout, but that’s what it became. I washed, lifted, and scrubbed until I was tired and a bit sore, all while dancing crazy to several different types of music. Each room in my house played something else. Every time I went from one room to the other it was a total change of pace. I am fairly certain the mailman now think I’m a nutcase.
So check off day one. I’m kinda thinking I shouldn’t skip tomorrow, and that I should do the first three days straight. If it’s a beautiful day like today, I don’t see why not. I want to start off by establishing good habits, not bad excuses.
So, I want to post something that I think is really great. Someone sent the article to my email and I want to share. So apparently, Glamour magazine did this photo shoot that got a lot of attention. They did these photos of a woman…WHO HAD A BELLY! And here’s the kicker… they didn’t photoshop it out. The long and the short is that they did this whole thing about just being comfortable with your body, whether its big or small and not being pressured to feel like you have to fit into some kind of teeny, tiny, box. I think its great. I mean, this is what this whole thing is about for me. Just saying, this is my body. This is how my swimsuit fits. I have rolls and curves, and I’m happy. I wish for more women to feel that way. I totally don’t buy into the whole “the fashion industry is affecting my self-esteem” thing, but I understand that it’s there. I wish people could just be okay and happy with themselves and just seek to be healthy rather than rail thin. Stop pointing the fingers at others and worry about themselves and their own happiness. I found the article to be a real inspiration. But I digress, yea for Glamour for printing bellies! Lol. Does that sound weird? Here’s the link.
GLAMOR MAGAZINE FEATURES REAL WOMEN
Day Two… wish me luck.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
In The Begining There Was Only Me...
Let me start by saying, this is not going to be a book. Raven Simone will never play me in the movie version, though she would be my first choice. This is not about fame, money, or notoriety. I’m not here to be funny, though my outlook on life and this project will tend to make people laugh, and I’m not here to make people feel sorry for me. I made every one of my choices with full awareness of the consequences. This is not about being a voice for fat people, or women, though I am both. This is not about fat discrimination or wanting bigger seats on airlines or any of that. Honestly, I'm simply not that deep or intellectual. Most importantly, this is not about needing acceptance from the outside world. This is just about me. And if it brings inspiration or support to someone else, all the better.
I am 29 years old and I am fat. Some call it big boned, thick, chunky, bbw, fluffy, curvy, voluptuous. The term my doctor uses is obese. Oddly enough, my Wii Fit uses the same term. Whatever you call it, the end result is the same. More of my body is fat than muscle. I am fat. As for the numbers, well, those are no one’s business but my own. You see, I am in a place that not too many women, regaurdless of size, can say. I am happy with me. I am happy with my beauty, as anyone who knows me can tell you how vain I am. I am happy with who I am as a person. I am kind, loyal, sincere, honest and hard working. I like to be active. Laser tag is a favorite of mine as is paintball. But I think it is always important to understand that there is always room for improvement. That’s what this is all about. It’s a chance to improve myself.
I have no desire to be America’s Next Top Model. I don’t want to be a size 2. Hell I don’t even want to be a size 10. In the words of Niecy Nash, “I like my jiggly parts!”. I am not ashamed of my body. I show it off proudly. This is me. Every curve, inch and pound has a story that all equal me. Being fat has allowed me to give a compassion for others that I was not always shown. To be fun and spontaneous. To perfect my personality rather than my dress size. And every thing up until this point, I would not change. But the reality is that at my current size, health problems can become like wild fires. They catch on fast and are hard to snuff out.
I am blessed not to have diabetes, but I do have high blood pressure and I don’t want to take those stupid pills anymore. I want to jog for 5 minutes straight without feeling like my heart will burst out of my chest. I want to know that I have the willpower to do this. Can I get up and jog? Or will the brownies beat me? What I want is really pretty simple. I just want to be healthy.
And so begins my project. Physical activity. One hour a day. Three days a week. And a one mile run every other week. I will pair this is semi good eating. Yes, semi good. I’m not giving up cheese. Nor will I give up cereal. That is just not happening, so let’s all get over that, right now. But no soda, smaller portions, less sugars, that I can and will do. I have a goal in mind, of how much I would like to lose, but you will have to forgive me. For the time being, that information shall be mine alone. And I will give myself one year in which to achieve my goal. And in one year… well… hopefully, I’ll still be standing…but I guess we’ll see.
I am 29 years old and I am fat. Some call it big boned, thick, chunky, bbw, fluffy, curvy, voluptuous. The term my doctor uses is obese. Oddly enough, my Wii Fit uses the same term. Whatever you call it, the end result is the same. More of my body is fat than muscle. I am fat. As for the numbers, well, those are no one’s business but my own. You see, I am in a place that not too many women, regaurdless of size, can say. I am happy with me. I am happy with my beauty, as anyone who knows me can tell you how vain I am. I am happy with who I am as a person. I am kind, loyal, sincere, honest and hard working. I like to be active. Laser tag is a favorite of mine as is paintball. But I think it is always important to understand that there is always room for improvement. That’s what this is all about. It’s a chance to improve myself.
I have no desire to be America’s Next Top Model. I don’t want to be a size 2. Hell I don’t even want to be a size 10. In the words of Niecy Nash, “I like my jiggly parts!”. I am not ashamed of my body. I show it off proudly. This is me. Every curve, inch and pound has a story that all equal me. Being fat has allowed me to give a compassion for others that I was not always shown. To be fun and spontaneous. To perfect my personality rather than my dress size. And every thing up until this point, I would not change. But the reality is that at my current size, health problems can become like wild fires. They catch on fast and are hard to snuff out.
I am blessed not to have diabetes, but I do have high blood pressure and I don’t want to take those stupid pills anymore. I want to jog for 5 minutes straight without feeling like my heart will burst out of my chest. I want to know that I have the willpower to do this. Can I get up and jog? Or will the brownies beat me? What I want is really pretty simple. I just want to be healthy.
And so begins my project. Physical activity. One hour a day. Three days a week. And a one mile run every other week. I will pair this is semi good eating. Yes, semi good. I’m not giving up cheese. Nor will I give up cereal. That is just not happening, so let’s all get over that, right now. But no soda, smaller portions, less sugars, that I can and will do. I have a goal in mind, of how much I would like to lose, but you will have to forgive me. For the time being, that information shall be mine alone. And I will give myself one year in which to achieve my goal. And in one year… well… hopefully, I’ll still be standing…but I guess we’ll see.
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